Author: Zoe Stark
I had an epiphany in our class. After the presentation on Assertive Discipline,
Dr. Mac described “the popcorn party” idea and I realized that would be a great
behavior change experiment to try with my own children at home.
I have boy/girl twins who are 12 years, 8 months old. They are
in seventh grade in a very diversely populated school where there is a very democratic
and, sometimes lately, freewheeling attitude taken towards discipline and behavior and
their mother has tended to take a similar attitude lately as well. One of the areas that has
been particularly stressful and difficult in our lives is the weekday morning when we are
all trying to get out of the house in good time for them to get to school and for Mom to
get to work.
They are still reeling from their parents’ separation over one year ago and are
faced with all the difficult and typical characteristics of early adolescence. And so, they
act out with a lot of anger, arguing, blaming and procrastinating about getting up which
have reached a level that is inappropriate, creating a type of start to our day which is
unpleasant and unacceptable. I therefore devised a plan to use the “popcorn party” idea to
encourage them to start making other choices regarding their behavior in the morning so
that our day would have a kinder, smoother start, since discussing the situation and how it
made us all feel, did not have the desired effect.
So now, if both children are up and ready to leave the house on time, with
bags packed, metrocards handy, showers taken and breakfast eaten, they each earn a
letter of the word “MORNINGS” which I write on their calendars. Once the word
is spelt out, they each earn an extra $2.00 of allowance that day to get a special lunch or
whatever they wish. Each child was given an index card outlining the rules of the
“game” as a reminder.
Both Daisy and Angus were excited about the prospect of extra cash. I was very
curious to see how important and meaningful the arguments and blaming are (especially
for my son , Angus) and the extra 20 minutes of in-bed time (for Daisy) and whether or
not they were worth giving up. I had previously been removing privileges like video
games, TV and hanging out downstairs and it was not working!
The first 2 mornings were very successful and each child got an “M” and an “O”
on the calendars in their rooms for those days and I thought I had a new life. Day 3
however, brought reality crashing back. Neither child was ready on time (by only 1 and 2
minutes), and a circumstance I had not thought of nor provided for came up – Mom was
not ready! So, I decided to make it a free day and that was a big mistake because then the
fighting began.
The realization that the reward and the sense of accomplishment were so powerful
was very surprising to me. The threat of punishment had never had such power!
Therefore, although I was disappointed, I was also encouraged because I learned
something. Day 4 was a no letter day but I remained confident that success would reign!
This behavior change game has made a very positive impact on the children’s
morning behavior. Although we initially decided no tot start the project on a Monday
because Sunday nights somehow always get to be late nights in our house, the second
Monday came and went beautifully and without incident. Both Daisy and Angus are
working on their second set of letters!
I was concerned that there was more built-in competition in this experiment than I
would have ordinarily liked because each child was earning his or her own letters. But,
as a mother of twins, I realize that it is important to allow each child to achieve
independently. Twins need separation and individual pursuits. But in the end, I found
that, in fact, there was less competition and blame because each child was responsible for
his and her own success. Getting out of the house in the morning was no longer only
about not being late for school. Leaving on time and really ready was now also about
being responsible and accomplishing something and earning something.
Taking the focus off all the potential problems of being late and putting the focus
on “getting your letter for the day” has made our mornings more positive altogether. The
success of this experiment means that I will certainly implement this type of “game”
again to entice good behavior from my children and make positive changes in our home
and lives.
Zoe Stark wrote this paper while a student in the Graduate Program in Special Education at Hunter College of the City University of New York. It is used with her permission.
Thanks Zoe!
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