In this post, we address how to compliment praise-resistant kids; students who (at present) reject our positive verbal commentary.  Let’s begin.

Has it happened to you?…  You praise a student who, upon hearing the compliment, goes bonkers, showing the behavior that keeps you up at night.  Didn’t the textbook say that praise is supposed to create more of the behavior that we positively recognize?  Other than having blundered by phrasing it in one of the counter-productive forms mentioned in the previous post, why might praise fail with many kids?  Why are they immune, or even hostile to it?

Let’s round up the usual suspects:

1. The teacher fails to be consistent & persistent in providing positive recognition.  When it does pop up, students suspect that today’s praise has an ulterior motive.  They are wary of the teacher’s intent, suspecting that it might be manipulative rather than sincere. 

2. The teacher offers summative praise that uses the past tense (“Those are nice descriptive words that you wrote in your essay.”, “I like the elongated brush strokes that you used in your watercolor painting.”) The student perceives that s/he has completed the task adequately, & figures that s/he can take a break or quit.

3. In schools, praise is usually given by a superior (adult).  If the teacher is unable to manage the classroom and prevent bullying (physical, intellectual, emotional), well-behaved, motivated students become fearful.  Of what?  Kids in the class know full well that the individuals who wield the power are the 3 kids in the back corner, not the teacher.  If they are praised by a weak teacher who is victimized by the “tough kids”, it means that they are of an even lower status than that instructor.  For self-protection, they must align themselves with the stronger force, emulating their actions, laughing at their jokes, and supporting their negative efforts.  They would love to work hard and earn praise, but doing so would set bring on the ridicule and bullying of the “bad kids”.

4. At the other extreme is the hostile/aggressive teacher who focuses solely on behavior, but does not connect personally and emotionally with his/her students.  S/he is viewed by the pupils as being judge and jury, not someone who truly cares about them as people.   The kids sense that their innate human dignity is non-valued and disrespected.  A student’s thoughts would resemble this one: “Oh yeah.  I’m your golden girl right now, but I’ve seen you flip like a pancake on kids… praising them in one moment, and chastising them in the next.  We’re not ‘your kids’.  You’re not unswervingly supportive of us.  To you, we’re just chess pieces to be moved around.” 

5. Sometimes, the teacher is not liked or respected by the students (as would be the case in #4 above, among other situations).  It follows that praise from a non-valued source is not valued.  You’ve got to like the messenger if you’re going to listen to the message.

6. The teacher uses praise statements that are more appropriate for younger students.  Praise for older kids has to be more mature than with our younger urchins, and needs to represent a more equal status between parties than the benevolent-dictator-to-obedient-subject approach.  Besides diminishing the young person’s status, well-meaning, but superior-to-inferior compliments typically bring peer resentment and teasing.  This praise is rejected due to the aversive nature of the public, condescending approval.

7. Many of our students belong to cultures or households that don’t use much, if any praise for showing correct actions. The North American middle class is one of the few groups in the world that makes a point of catching kids being good (“Thank you for playing so nicely with your sister.”, “I’m proud of the way you handled your team’s loss so graciously”).  Pupils might feel uncomfortable with, and/or be confused by verbal compliments due to their lack of exposure to it. 

8. In another cultural variant, the teacher is from the majority culture, while the student is a member of a minority group that historically was not given respect & equal rights; those who were brought to the country long ago, but still are underrepresented in power positions.  The “truth” & “folklore” that “involuntary minorities” pass on to their children differs greatly from that of “voluntary minorities” (those who came more recently of their own volition).  Many kids from involuntary minority cultures are under pressure from their group to avoid “acting white”, apparently devaluing their culture and “identifying with the oppressor” (according to their folklore orientation).  They may not value praise from a majority culture teacher until that educator has repeatedly proven him/herself as having the student’s best interests at heart. (See the writings of Ogbu & Kunjufu)

So… Which practices have a greater chance of working with praise-resistant kids?

Personalized public praise can provoke misbehavior designed to avoid the appearance of subservience to authority.  So… how does one effectively praise “praise resistant” kids… students who are suspicious of your intent, given your culture, gender, or profession… often due to unflattering tales told about your group before you’ve had the chance to prove that you are a caring, competent, and culturally responsive classroom leader?  What can you do before positive interpersonal bonds have developed between you and the student?  Here are some important things to remember (Along with other essential life lessons like: Don’t spit into the wind, Don’t step on Superman’s cape; Don’t kiss a rattlesnake; and Don’t cook Bacon in the nude):

1. Offer soft private praise while moving past the student.  Say it while you mosey by.  Perhaps look back, and smile.

2. Send complimentary notes privately by slipping them into notebooks, backpacks, or students’ hands as you shake them.

3. Replace public praise to one student with general praise to unspecified pupils: Instead of saying: “I love the way that Casper is copying down today’s learning goal.  He’s leading the way.” replace it with compliments to non-designated individuals: “Students who are copying down the learning goal are showing me that they’re leaders.  They’re out in front.  They’ve got my respect.”  The student thinks “Hey.  I’ve been given respect.  I’ve been recognized as a leader.”  The classroom and its captain (you) increase in value.  Emotional bonds begin to form.  Your direct praise then takes on value.

4. When working with relationship-resistant kids, make your commentary more jocular, short, subtle, and private.

5. Assure that the praise is sincere.

6. Make sure that the praise is descriptive.  Identify the actions that were displayed.  Avoid labels like; “Smart kid”, “Great writer”, “Good boy”, etc.  (See the previous blog post on praise for the reasoning behind this suggestion.)

7. If praise given in the moment gets rejected, give the praise after the event is over, perhaps during the next day or even later.  Reminisce back to the activity, and compliment the youngster’s actions.

8. Give praise with money (or food).  Money is valued.  Pairing your praise with a U.S. nickel or dime (convert this amount to your country’s currency), increases the value of your praise.  Wean the students from the money over time. (See “Schedules of reinforcement” under the “Applied Behavior Analysis” section of the “Strategies & Interventions part of BehaviorAdvisor.com)

9. As those interpersonal bonds form, begin to use other strategies that further cement the positive teacher-student connections while promoting self-recognition by the learner.  Place the onus on the youngster by having him/her identify the appropriate actions that were displayed (Remember the advice in the first blog post on praise… have him/her keep it specific.  Identify the actions that are deserving of positive recognition.)  Here are some examples:

“Your report was impressive.  Tell me how you prepared & what you were thinking about during the presentation.”

“I’m a happy teacher when I look at your project. Why do you think I’m wearing this smile?”

“I just saw you do something that made you look very mature & responsible.  I want to make sure that you noticed it too.  What did you do that made you look so good to others?”

“You can be very proud of yourself right now. Why do you think I say that?”

Have kids further delineate and expand upon statements such as:

–         “I gave the right answer.” or

–        “I did what I was supposed to do.”, etc.

Have them identify the specific actions in which they engaged.

 10. Establish a classroom culture that values positive comments given by students and staff. (Thanks to Chris Briggs for reminding me of this one.) Acknowledge individuals who compliment others, and make sure that personal attacks are disallowed.  Make it clear that your class only uses “push ups”, never “put downs”.  Have kids rephrase negative commentary into objectively stated disagreements.  “That’s stupid.” would be rephrased as “I hold a very different view on that matter.” Or “I really think that viewpoint (not “you”) is wrong-headed.”

Summary

Learning to effectively use praise is like when you were a young child learning to use a knife.  Unless it is used properly, things can get very messy.  To keep the analogy going, praise is a double-edged sword that can serve its intended purpose well, or cause us great pain if used incorrectly.

Used correctly, offering complimentary comments is a great way to direct future behavior in our students, and build interpersonal trust bonds with them.  Use it often, but use it right.

Kids minds are fragile. Let’s be careful out there.

Best,

Dr. Mac

doctormac@behavioradvisor.com