This post was sent to the BehaviorAdvisor.com “B-List” in August of 2018.
To sign up for these e-mail blasts, go to http://www.behavioradvisor.com/intervention-strategies/
Hello fellow B-Listers! (Yes, I know that our group name looks like “blisters”. It’s Murphy’s Law in action.)
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Here is the 2nd half of my musings on that universal fact-of-life as it applies to behavio(u)r in the schools.
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One last caution: Please take the remarks as intended; to add some levity to our day, but NOT at the expense of the dignity of others. Remember to share these hyperbolized observations with this caution. A kid’s sense of self is fragile. Handle with care.
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Items 1-35 were sent in yesterday’s e-mail blast.
Discipline Plans
35. The degree of effectiveness of a disciplinary intervention is inversely proportional to the level of management that devised it.
36. Discipline plans are typically devised by committees of individuals with poor behavior management skills.
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37a. If the teaching staff has developed a thoughtful, positive, and effective school-wide discipline plan, getting district approval will be like mating elephants:
-It’s done at a very high level
-It involves a great deal of bellowing and screaming
-And it takes two years to get results…
(And sometimes you’re crushed by those results.)
37b. If the plan is approved and placed into practice, the teacher who would most benefit from complying with it will file a union grievance.
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38. Despite implementation of expensive and complex comprehensive systems for teaching peer mediation, conflict resolution, and anger management, the best method for resolving disputes will still be ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’.
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39a. When Cosmo is soon returning to the sending school from a residential setting for youth with behavioral challenges, the district lawyer will inform the IEP team that deportation and lethal injections are not suitable consequences for the Behavior Intervention Plan.
39b. After further discussion, the lawyer will also determine that giving wedgies is verboten.
39c. Additionally, despite the urging of certain faculty members, it will be determined that a strait jacket cannot be considered a “wrap-around service”.
39d. When the parent states that Cosmo “doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.”, a former teacher of the student will grumble “Yeah. Neither do sharks.”
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Support Personnel & Others
40. The main function of bus drivers is to agitate explosive students before they get to school.
41. Any student progress promoted by a positive and effective teacher will be fully neutralized by a negative-natured paraprofessional with 30 years’ experience who refuses to be transferred to another classroom.
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42a. In an attempt to appear knowledgeable, the consultant will explain even the simplest of interventions in a complicated manner.
42b. If the consultant’s intervention works, you failed to follow the steps as directed.
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43. Despite advanced training, school psychologists don’t know one millionth of 1% about anything related to abnormal psychology or aberrant behavior. However, that is 100 times more than the rest of us know.
44. The main function of the IEP Team is to make things difficult for the administration and impossible for the teacher.
45. Your paraprofessional will inadvertently sabotage your intervention plan when he mistakenly assumes that “negative reinforcement” means that he should reward bad behavior.
46. The counselor, in an attempt to promote “theory of mind” in his small group of conduct disordered youth, will begin with the only empathic connection to other’s pain in others that they possess at that moment in time; showing slow-motion video clips of soccer players and movie characters getting kicked in the groin.
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Miscellaneous 
47. As is your habit, you reach into your lunch bag and pull the tab on your soda can before lifting it out. You follow the line of your colleague’s perplexed stare to said container, suddenly realizing that during your sleepy early-morning preparation, you packed a beer.
48. Pleased with your class’ quick and quiet exit during a fire drill, you will later have to explain to the district superintendent why you took the students outside when the alarm sounded for the tornado drill.
49. Upon handing back student homework, your mistakenly pasted upside-down “WOW” sticker will be interpreted as a mother insult.
50. When your most troublesome student is finally assigned to a more appropriate setting, the behavior of the youngster who replaces him will be 10 times worse.
51. Upset at their child’s “ghost services” (services written into the IEP, but never actually delivered to the pupil), you will jokingly suggest to the parents that they show up to the IEP dispute meeting in jump suit and backpack vacuum cleaners (ala “Ghost Busters” costumes). The costumed parents show up late to the meeting with the older sibling recording to facebook live. The wide-eyed district administration then guarantees the twice-a-week counseling sessions on the soon-to-be viral video. Your cupped hand hides your grin, but your eyes show it as the parents look thankfully your way. You will arrive to your classroom the next day to see the Ghost Buster’s logo pasted to your classroom door.
52. Noticing that the errant and confrontational student you’re sending to the Dean of Discipline is packed up and carrying an arm-load of items toward the door, you will ask the him “Where should I place this office discipline referral form?” He will respond with “Stick it where the sun don’t shine.” With a smirk on your face, you will stuff it into the back of his pants. Touche’!
53. When we punish kids “for their own good”, it is the disciplinary equivalent of administering Robitussin cough syrup; we tell them it’s good for them, but it leaves a nasty taste in their mouths.
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Summation
51. All great interventions were discovered by mistake.
52. Advanced skill in behavior management is indistinguishable from magic.
53. The key to effective discipline is to work smarder, not harder.
54. Some days we wonder if it’s worth the effort to chew through the emotional restraints and jump the psychological wall to get to school. Thankfully, most days it is so.
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Endnote
Individuals who effectively serve kids with emotional and behavioral disorders perform thoughtful and skilled actions that others cannot comprehend, wouldn’t know how to attempt, and could not accomplish. You are part of a select group of educational professionals who step forward when others step back. To quote an old military recruitment slogan, you are “The few. The proud, the”… mentors of kids with mental health and behavior challenges.
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Folks like you possess the rare ability to envision promise and progress in youngsters that others have discarded. I am reminded of a television show; History Channel’s program titled “American Pickers”. These antique dealers go around the country stopping at the homes, barns, and storage sheds of collectors of old items. Those individuals who reclaim these pieces are able to see value in things that others have thrown on the trash heap.
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It takes even more observational astuteness to recognize underlying worth at the human level, and strive to restore that rejected kid to value. You are among the few who are able to imagine the personal shine that would be evident if we rub off the emotional tarnish, make necessary psychological repairs, and then admire a somewhat flawed piece for its distinctiveness and inherent beauty.
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If I may add a corollary to Murphy’s Law; “Anything that can go wrong might possibly go wrong, but thank goodness you’ll be there to make it better than it might otherwise be.”
Here’s the 1st item on that list: Kids who experienced failure with others will find hope in you. Their hope will be fulfilled.
Here’s the 2nd one: At the end of the school day, you earth angels will realize that your reward may not come to you here on this granite planet, but you have earned a few more points toward heaven by the time you leave this blue-green orb.
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You make a difference in the lives of unfortunate kids. Thank you.
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Do you teach students who exhibit resistance and defiance… failing to follow your routines and directions? The way that we phrase our utterances, can reduce the “heat” or light the fuse to the emotional power keg. Bring forth cooperation by phrasing your directions, praise, and commentary in ways that enhance the chances of compliance. Check out this video series at http://behavioradvisor.com/Webinar.html
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Dr. Mac
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Tom McIntyre, Ph.D. (Dr. Mac)
Professor of Special Education and Coordinator of the Graduate Program in BehaviorDisorders
Hunter College of the City University of New York
DoctorMac@BehaviorAdvisor.com
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Dr. Mac
Room 914west,
Department of Special Education, Hunter College,
695 Park Avenue,
New York,
NY 10021
Doctormac@BehaviorAdvisor.com